My Mental Heath |YoutubeMakeup94
I'm sure you have heard many stories about mental heath this month and especially last week. I want to share my story with all of you.
If you from my instagram, then you can skip to the next section. For those of you who dot know what i am talking about, then keep o reading or follow my post on my instagram, @Disney__Geek101
To start off let me tell you keep an open mind as you read this.
I am suicidal. No I do not want to kill myself. But I do have suicidal thoughts.. I have struggled with this since I was in middle school. I have always had those thoughts because I had a hard transition into middle school from elementary school. But it didn't hit the hardest until the last grade of middle school, 8th grade. I got bullied for how I looked. I never used to wear makeup. I had days were I did felt confident about how I looked. The girl who bullied me, used to call me names and follow me around the school, just putting me down in front of anyone. Having her do that to me made me put down myself and lose that confidence. Instead of going against the suicidal thoughts, I went with it. I agreed with the thoughts. I never told anyone back then about being bullied. And there are very few people who gained my trust to know my full story. So why am I posting this online?! Because I want to help those who are going through what I went through. I want to let them know they are not alone. Their are so many stories and different stories about each and every experience. 3 years ago U decided that I had enough of the agreement being suicidal. I wanted to fight back. So I started working out. It helped me take my mind off the thoughts. But I had trouble staying focused most days. I would only work out about twice a week or if I felt like it. Some days I would even skip for a few weeks and just forget about working out. I do have admit that working out made me put my feeling out there. Every time I worked out , I did more of a kickboxing work ,I I would imagine me hitting the thoughts away. To fight against it like you would with a competitor.
Last year in October/November, was the day I changed my whole perspective. I was on Facebook scrolling through my news-feed. I saw an old classmate of mine from high school I saw here transformation post about losing weight and toning up. I admit I wanted at first to lose just weight and not worry about anything else. I have mentioned my weight lost story before, if you want to read it here is the link:
http://youtubemakeupgeek.blogspot.com/2017/05/how-i-lost-weight-youtubemakeup94.html
But as I joined the groups and saw everyone else on their journeys the more my mind track changed into becoming more healthy. I don't worry as much about losing the weight as much. I am more focused on having a more healthy appetite and toned muscles. I want to tone around my arms to have more than just chicken arms. I am not 100% cured. No one is ever 100% cured from a mental health issues. I am just more able to control it most days. There are days where I feel really down and don't want to talk to anyone.I would have to say that I a 75% better than a 47% back then. Its a huge difference. And it didn't just happen overnight. This sort of thing just doesn't work just overnight. If you truly want to help yourself and change then do it at your own pace. You will know your limits. It look me from age 13 to 20 to finally decide I wanted to help myself. From that time period I did have many thoughts were I almost considered killing myself. Its not easy, its actually really hard to change the way your mind track is. I did it one baby step at a time.
Working out wasn't the only thing that helped, it helped 50% of my journey. The other half was opening up to someone and to be able to talk to someone about this sort of stuff. I slowly opened up to my boyfriend about this sort of stuff. But he doesn't understand or get the emotions behind it all. Then I started signing up for pen pals. Someone that i didn't know and just slowly opened up to that person. I felt so judged with my pen pal. I love writing and talking to people but with her, it just wasn't right. So then I made my YouTube channel and my blog. At first on my channel I decided to copy the beauty bloggers that I loved and saw that they were getting paid for what they did. I wanted o do that. It wasn't until recently that I decided to change my whole channel and be me. To bring out my goofy awkward self. That helped e take off the stress of what people would think of me. When I did start my blog and channel on YouTube, it did help open myself up and give me something to express a part of myself. But it wasn't until this year that I fully expressed all of me. I decided to be me and not try to copy anyone else. I do not care what people think anymore. I am doing stuff for myself now. Doing that made some much stress go away.
Working out and being myself are just two things that helped me through my journey. We all struggle with something, some just may have it worse than others. If you are going through suicide and have suicidal thoughts like me please find someone or something to help yourself. Even if you go on the suicide hotline There are people there to help you and will talk to you. If you would like to share your stories down below so you help those who might be going through the same thing. Also if you know anyone that is going through anything like this, do not try to fix or help them right away. Let them know that you are there for them always. If they ever need a talk or anything then you will be there. If you are not going to be there or can not deal with any of this sort of thing then do not say that to anyone. Anyone with a mental health problem need those who will follow through on there promise to be there. Because what if they decide to rely on you and you suddenly change your mind. That person will think there might be anyone to count on ever again.
I will see y'all next time for another post
Love ya, Kathyrn
If you from my instagram, then you can skip to the next section. For those of you who dot know what i am talking about, then keep o reading or follow my post on my instagram, @Disney__Geek101
To start off let me tell you keep an open mind as you read this.
I am suicidal. No I do not want to kill myself. But I do have suicidal thoughts.. I have struggled with this since I was in middle school. I have always had those thoughts because I had a hard transition into middle school from elementary school. But it didn't hit the hardest until the last grade of middle school, 8th grade. I got bullied for how I looked. I never used to wear makeup. I had days were I did felt confident about how I looked. The girl who bullied me, used to call me names and follow me around the school, just putting me down in front of anyone. Having her do that to me made me put down myself and lose that confidence. Instead of going against the suicidal thoughts, I went with it. I agreed with the thoughts. I never told anyone back then about being bullied. And there are very few people who gained my trust to know my full story. So why am I posting this online?! Because I want to help those who are going through what I went through. I want to let them know they are not alone. Their are so many stories and different stories about each and every experience. 3 years ago U decided that I had enough of the agreement being suicidal. I wanted to fight back. So I started working out. It helped me take my mind off the thoughts. But I had trouble staying focused most days. I would only work out about twice a week or if I felt like it. Some days I would even skip for a few weeks and just forget about working out. I do have admit that working out made me put my feeling out there. Every time I worked out , I did more of a kickboxing work ,I I would imagine me hitting the thoughts away. To fight against it like you would with a competitor.
Last year in October/November, was the day I changed my whole perspective. I was on Facebook scrolling through my news-feed. I saw an old classmate of mine from high school I saw here transformation post about losing weight and toning up. I admit I wanted at first to lose just weight and not worry about anything else. I have mentioned my weight lost story before, if you want to read it here is the link:
http://youtubemakeupgeek.blogspot.com/2017/05/how-i-lost-weight-youtubemakeup94.html
But as I joined the groups and saw everyone else on their journeys the more my mind track changed into becoming more healthy. I don't worry as much about losing the weight as much. I am more focused on having a more healthy appetite and toned muscles. I want to tone around my arms to have more than just chicken arms. I am not 100% cured. No one is ever 100% cured from a mental health issues. I am just more able to control it most days. There are days where I feel really down and don't want to talk to anyone.I would have to say that I a 75% better than a 47% back then. Its a huge difference. And it didn't just happen overnight. This sort of thing just doesn't work just overnight. If you truly want to help yourself and change then do it at your own pace. You will know your limits. It look me from age 13 to 20 to finally decide I wanted to help myself. From that time period I did have many thoughts were I almost considered killing myself. Its not easy, its actually really hard to change the way your mind track is. I did it one baby step at a time.
Working out wasn't the only thing that helped, it helped 50% of my journey. The other half was opening up to someone and to be able to talk to someone about this sort of stuff. I slowly opened up to my boyfriend about this sort of stuff. But he doesn't understand or get the emotions behind it all. Then I started signing up for pen pals. Someone that i didn't know and just slowly opened up to that person. I felt so judged with my pen pal. I love writing and talking to people but with her, it just wasn't right. So then I made my YouTube channel and my blog. At first on my channel I decided to copy the beauty bloggers that I loved and saw that they were getting paid for what they did. I wanted o do that. It wasn't until recently that I decided to change my whole channel and be me. To bring out my goofy awkward self. That helped e take off the stress of what people would think of me. When I did start my blog and channel on YouTube, it did help open myself up and give me something to express a part of myself. But it wasn't until this year that I fully expressed all of me. I decided to be me and not try to copy anyone else. I do not care what people think anymore. I am doing stuff for myself now. Doing that made some much stress go away.
Working out and being myself are just two things that helped me through my journey. We all struggle with something, some just may have it worse than others. If you are going through suicide and have suicidal thoughts like me please find someone or something to help yourself. Even if you go on the suicide hotline There are people there to help you and will talk to you. If you would like to share your stories down below so you help those who might be going through the same thing. Also if you know anyone that is going through anything like this, do not try to fix or help them right away. Let them know that you are there for them always. If they ever need a talk or anything then you will be there. If you are not going to be there or can not deal with any of this sort of thing then do not say that to anyone. Anyone with a mental health problem need those who will follow through on there promise to be there. Because what if they decide to rely on you and you suddenly change your mind. That person will think there might be anyone to count on ever again.
I will see y'all next time for another post
Love ya, Kathyrn
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